Unwanted Coward

by Mary Simpson
(Bay of Plenty, New Zealand)

Mum's father told her a number of times during childhood that she was a coward. She was a compliant child who 'kept the rules' mostly, but didn't live up to her father's adventurous expectations. He preferred her younger sister. Mum's father also told her she just came along by mistake (during menopause).

Mum found it impossible to share her emotions. We tried to get her to talk about them, but she couldn't put them into words. She felt a failure. In the days before dying she said a number of times that she was a failure. Mum had memory loss increase during her last 5 years - after physical accidents and major emotional trauma (and some family rejection). Mum felt she had failed because one daughter of her 8 children rejected Mum and cut all contact she had with the daughters 7 children. This happened after the daughter accused her (now dead) father of abusing her when a counsellor suggested she may have been abused. The daughter and family divorced Mum after months of emotional and mental pressure for Mum to believe what the daughter said. The daughter did not contact or visit Mum prior to death (2 months ago) even though advised of her condition.

Mum was clinically blind (born with a defect which deteriorated to clinical blindness after Dad died 19 years into marriage) and nursed Dad with rheumatoid arthritis for the last 7 years of their marriage. Mum had osteoporosis come on, along with memory loss and severe pain in her right back muscles. I noticed this developed after the family rejection. There was no medical reason for the muscle pain. I believe it was emotional and psychological.

Mum lived with my family for her last 2 1/2 years after my brother died suddenly. She was in shock, grief and depressed. The memory loss allowed Mum to 'forget' the family issues and she was much more peaceful without worrying bothering her. She felt loved and accepted with us. Our children were good with her. During Mum's last 14 weeks she was in a nearby rest home for 24 hour care. In her last 10 days she had oxygen on and off as her heart was failing. During this time her memory returned at times and we had some reasonable conversations. She was still concerned she was a failure. We talked about her successfully raising her children and caring for her husband, inspiring other people, and rising above difficulties. Mum felt she had failed God because her daughter still rejected her and was mentally unstable. I believe Mum was able to lay some of this to rest and died in peace. From my perspective the physical pain came from the blocked energy channels. EFT would have helped Mum.